The officially certified process for German fun on a sunny day


Germany is not known for its good weather. When it is finally a beautiful day outside, there is a list of obligatory events which must take place in order to enjoy this even.

  • Ice cream must be consumed.

This one is pretty easy.  If you don't want ice cream, that's alright.  You can have a frozen yogurt. (Picture resulting from extensive testing)

  • Man capris are to be worn

Nothing says party like pants that are 10 cm shorter than your normal pants.  Capris, which are solely worn by women in the US, are the main summer attire of the German man.  The only people who wear them more are the French.  I think the French own stock in the companies because, man, they wear them all the damn time.

  • You must take part in nature.

You will be outside.  If you tell someone you weren't outside during a beautiful day you will get a look like you committed a cardinal sin.  Many places will assist you in this as they will not open until the sun has set. (Ex. Movie Theaters)

  • Extremely pale skin will be exposed

Nothing says great weather in Germany like the sudden display of white skin.  Followed the next day by the display of extremely red skin.  This is only topped by the British whose complexion is a mix between Golem and a vampire.  They really should stay out of the sun whenever possible.

  • You will amplify the heat by standing next to a grill

Nothing like celebrating a hot day like making it warmer by standing next to a fire, getting smoke in your face and eating meat.  Thank god for German beer.

  • You finally can put your top down on you convertible

Finally, one day of the ten days a year where you can put your top down on the convertible and finally enjoy why you paid thousands of Euro extra.  But in Germany make sure to leave you windows up and wind protector to avoid the Zug (For info on the Zug see post Here).

Follow these steps on you are on your way to the officially certified process for German fun.

Der Zug


The Zug, a draft in English, is the most feared phenomenon in Germany.   It is a thing of might which can render anyone, without warning, with a sore neck and a head cold.  It is a natural phenomenon, which is to be respected and feared and feared more than understood, like the Bermuda Triangle, UFOs or Bigfoot.

According to the experts of this terrible infliction, the danger lies in the fact that it is even possible to catch a Zug.  It is a sickness which must solely exist in Germany, as I have never found an English translation for this sickness and I am pretty sure that I have never heard anyone say, “I have caught a draft.”  As it has been explained to me by many a German, in the most serious of tones, is that one catches a Zug by air blowing on your neck and thereby infecting one with a kink in the neck and a head cold.

The only thing standing between you and the Zug

This would be avoidable if the situation was not further complicated by one other German necessity, Fresh air (to be discussed in a later post).  In order to get fresh air in a room, unfortunately for Germans, it must move from one position to another and thereby causing a draft.  The essential balance between these factors alone destroys working relationships, friendships and families at a cataclysmic rate in Germany.  Germany needs our help.

However, I am truly amazed the bravery with which Germans are not restricted by this infliction.  Germans kick so much ass at the Winter Olympics and the sheer audacity of the athletes over the fact that they even dare to go outside in winter with skimpy aerodynamic outfits.  According to German theory every skier, luger, bobsledder and ice skater should role across the finish line as an epileptic tumours mass with a horribly sore neck and the worst head cold ever.


Wikipedia Link on Luftzug - You will notice there is no English translation

German site warning of the dangers of the Zug.