Der Zug


The Zug, a draft in English, is the most feared phenomenon in Germany.   It is a thing of might which can render anyone, without warning, with a sore neck and a head cold.  It is a natural phenomenon, which is to be respected and feared and feared more than understood, like the Bermuda Triangle, UFOs or Bigfoot.

According to the experts of this terrible infliction, the danger lies in the fact that it is even possible to catch a Zug.  It is a sickness which must solely exist in Germany, as I have never found an English translation for this sickness and I am pretty sure that I have never heard anyone say, “I have caught a draft.”  As it has been explained to me by many a German, in the most serious of tones, is that one catches a Zug by air blowing on your neck and thereby infecting one with a kink in the neck and a head cold.

The only thing standing between you and the Zug

This would be avoidable if the situation was not further complicated by one other German necessity, Fresh air (to be discussed in a later post).  In order to get fresh air in a room, unfortunately for Germans, it must move from one position to another and thereby causing a draft.  The essential balance between these factors alone destroys working relationships, friendships and families at a cataclysmic rate in Germany.  Germany needs our help.

However, I am truly amazed the bravery with which Germans are not restricted by this infliction.  Germans kick so much ass at the Winter Olympics and the sheer audacity of the athletes over the fact that they even dare to go outside in winter with skimpy aerodynamic outfits.  According to German theory every skier, luger, bobsledder and ice skater should role across the finish line as an epileptic tumours mass with a horribly sore neck and the worst head cold ever.


Wikipedia Link on Luftzug - You will notice there is no English translation

German site warning of the dangers of the Zug.